+ the state of the UK URBAN MUSIC SCENE +

Lemme start with the POSITIVES FIRST:

LARGE UP STORMZY WHOSE FATHERING THE WHOLE THING & FLYING THE FLAG #MERKY

In the past 5 years the UK Urban music scene has, risen, grown & completely solidified itself amongst all other commercial music consumed over here. And it’s been a beautiful, beautiful thing to witness. I love the unity that the artists [appear] to have: I saw that a lot of them were recently partying it up at Stormzy’s #MerkyFest and there’s been an umpteen amount of collaborations amongst themselves too. The guys are going strong! They’re really doing well. I feel proud & I’m loving it!!!!

NOWWW LET’S GET DOWN TO THE NITTY GRITTY SHALL WEEEEEEEE

!!!!!!EVERY FUCKER NEEDS TO STEP THEIR GAME UP IMMEDIATELY & YES THAT INCLUDES YOU STORMZY..& YOU SANTAN DAVE (or David Olawarju as I like to call him) !!!!!!!!!!!!<<< & no I don’t know him personally, I’m just a weirdo that makes up names for people sometimes 🙂

I am so tired of the GIMMICKY BULLSHIT:

– THE TACKY DESIGNER WEAR (& guys bragging about it)

– THE OBJECTIFICATION OF WOMEN: PARTICULARLY CURVY WOMEN. & LIGHTSKINNED WOMEN..& SOMETIMES BROWN SKINNED WOMEN!!!!!

– THE FUCKING ICY CHAINS & FLASHY JEWELLERY HANGING FROM YOUR NECKS, WORN ON YOUR WRISTS & ON YOUR FUCKING PINKY FINGERS

– THE RENTED CARS & MANSIONS IN YOUR MUSIC VIDEOS

– THE LACK OF STYLE THAT MANY OF YOU SEEM TO HAVE UNFORTUNATELY: you seem to think that you look good just coz you’re wearing expensive but TACKY designer wear??? #drip

– This whole “I’m the baddest, I’m the realest” braggy thing

– THE GLORIFICATION OF BLOOD MONEY, DRUGS, CASUAL SEX & VIOLENCE

– THE LEACHY BEST FRIEND THAT DOESN’T RAP BUT FEELS THE NEED TO BE ALL UP IN THE CAMERA IN YOUR MUSIC VIDEOS

– THE LACK OF REAL, RAW & MOST IMPORTANTLY [CONCIOUS] LYRICAL CONTENT!

– I don’t have much to say about the girls unfortunately coz the guys are really carrying the scene

I remember earlier this year, (February to precised) watching the “Rated Legend” show, which was a tribute Concert to deceased rapper Cadet (may he Rest In Eternal Peace) and being really excited for the show prior to watching it: Krept had hyped it up online, saying it was gonna be the Greatest show blah blah blah…I was convinced that all performers would bring their A game in honour of Cadet’s name. Which I believe that they did. Howeverrrrr, I remember sitting there while watching it thinking “surely this isn’t THE BEST we can do. Surely there has to be BETTER TALENT & MORE POWERFUL ENERGY. Look man, we’ve got Dave & Stormzy who are the best we have to offer but even with them I was like “really???” I think Dave is too fragile for the music industry. He’s precious and sensitive. I feel like he should retire as early as possible, save himself the stress and the premature aging and just bog off and go and do charity to work or something. I feel like Stormzy on the other hand, would make a good pastor in a church!! He’s pretty powerful in his own right to be fair: he’s a thorough performer and a good rapper. He has great delivery. I feel that he’s lacked consistency in the past but his popularity and likability has carried him through and kept him relevant. STORMZY LACKS SELF BELIEF & IS STILL UNHAPPY. I CAN SEE IT. I do believe he has a lot to give BUT I’M STILL NOT FULLY SOLD OR CONVINCED. I DON’T GET GASSED OR BRAINWASHED OFF OF PEOPLE’S POPULARITY AND THEIR FAME STATUS. I STILL SEE THRU SHIT. & DAT NIGGA DEYA. DAT NIGGA STORMZY. MICHAEL, MICHAEL AMARI?!?! I’D LIKE TO MEET HIM THO. LOOK HIM IN THE EYE AND SEE WHAT ENERGY HE’S REALLY ON. WHA YOU SAYIN STORMZY, WHAT MAYA JAMA’S REALLY YOUR GIRL YH?!? MAYA JAMA?!?! SO WHAT HOW COME YOU AIN’T PUT A RING ON IT YET AND BREEDED IT UP AFTER ALL THESE YEARS. DERE AIN’T REALLY NO EXCUSE BRUH! U LOT AIN’T SERIOUS.

2 be continued…EVERYONE SHOULD JUST STEP THEIR GAME UP, DIG DEEPER & GET ALOT REALER WITH THEMSELVES IN THE MEANTIME…I do think Stormzy’s currently on the path to this so let’s just see how it goes

ALSO LARGE UP TINIE TEMPAH. U SHIT ON ALL OF THESE CURRENT GUYS. U HAVE STYLE & A COOL SENSE OF CREATIVE DIRECTION. YOU’RE YOUR OWN PERSON. A BELIEVABLE ARTIST. THE CLOSEST THING WE’VE HAD TO KANYE YET (bar all the controversy and unlikability etc that Kanye sometimes comes with)

BONKAZ HAD POTENTIAL TOO – I REALLY FEEL THAT HE HAD somethinggg..

there’s a guy called Che Lingo that could come thru and boogie woogie. Let’s see what happens!

What about you INFECTA where are you?

I HAVE THIS NOTION IN MY HEAD THAT ALL POPULAR, SUCCESSFUL MALE RAPPERS ARE MYSOGYNISTIC PIGS. AM I WRONG??! leave JayZ, Kanye & Tupac out of that statement though…those guys are extremely enigmatic. Very precious & special.

The end

P.S. if ur gonna do the whole IGNORANT thing yh, do it properly!!

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ME

PEACE

  • For the first time in a long time I feel at PEACE with certain things that were troubling me for a while. I’M HAPPY!!!
  • I have no animosity towards any soul
  • I have forgiven myself for projecting out negative energy toward others in the past
  • I have forgiven others ~ they’re only human
  • NOTHING is troubling me. I have a sound, clear mind
  • I AM AT PEACE WITH MY LIFE AND I FEEL GOOD!!!
  • & I’M MADLY IN LOVE WITH MY LITTLE PRINCESS. SHE’S EVERYTHING TO ME!! I FALL MORE IN LOVE WITH HER EVERYDAY💜
  • PEACE && LOVE TO ALL
  • POSITIVE VIBES XOXO

NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS PEOPLE

No matter what life throws at you. How testing things may become. How “old” you feel you are getting. DON’T GIVE UP!! Aim to live a life of PURPOSE & FULFILMENT!! Do things that feed your souuullll & make you smile from your heart. UTILISE YOUR TALENTS & don’t compare yourself to others – your journey is unique.

Right now, I’m 27 years old. I’m a single mum to a 1 year old baby. I have minimal support. I’m currently out of work and in receipt of government benefits (welfare), which means I’m on a low income. I have so-called “mental health” issues…but guess what I STILL AIN’T GIVING UP!!

At the beginning of this year, I mapped out a plan of action: things to do and steps to take in order to get baby girl & myself where I ultimately want us to be. So what I do daily is I set myself mini goals and tick them off and slowly but surely I’m seeing progress!! Do I have “down days”? Of course!! Have I suffered “set backs”? Definitely! Do I “relapse” with my mental health habits? Sure thing!! But I refuse to quit or get disheartened! I look at my daughter, pray, pick myself up and carry on.

Let’s take it back for a quick sec..!

2007: I was “Head Girl”‘at school. I was smart, popular & a lot of people used to call me “pretty”. I was super CONFIDENT! It was looking like I was gonna THRIVE in life. My teachers, peers, friends and family all predicted that I’d pretty much take over the world.

Late 2013: I left my regular job and decided to take on fashion styling. It was ALL OR NOTHING. By 2014 I’d made great industry contacts, built up a decent portfolio of work, was attending networking events & had really embraced and come into my creative self. I appeared to be calving somewhat of a lane for myself in the creative industry. People had their eyes on me and again – were predicting BIG THINGS…

Fast forward to now..& here I am, living a simple life with my daughter (& let’s just say I look DIFFERENT) One could easily sit there, look at me and say “Rah, Latoya what happened?” I’ve suffered MAJOR SETBACKS, CRAZYYY LIFE EXPERIENCES & LOST OUT ON ALOT OF BEAUTY SLEEP. But I refuse to crumble!!! I trust and have faith in my journey ~ it’s built me into who I am today. A wise, tough, resilient mother!! (But also super sensitive..& let’s face it. I.AM.CRAZY)

Sometimes we forget that it’s not a matter of IF, it’s just a matter of WHEN. TIMING. GOD’s TIMING. DIVINE TIMING!! Believe, trust &&& know that!!

NEVER GIVE UP AND NEVER LOSE FAITH. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS & HOW LONG IT MAY SEEM LIKE IT’S TAKING TO GET TO WHATEVER DESTINATION IT IS THAT YOU DESIRE – DON’T GIVE UP!! YOU WILL GET THERE. YOU ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING THAT YOU NEED WITHIN YOU, ALL THE TOOLS, ALL THE INGREDIENTS (MEANING THAT YOU ARE THERE, BUT YOU JUST NEED TO SEE THINGS MANIFEST PHYSICALLY) TAP IN & HAVE FAITH….go for it. Get your life b!! xxx

p.s. I’m still gonna meet KANYE ~ it has to happen!!

CHANGE

Change is something that I’m on the path of. POSITIVE CHANGE. I’m literally willing to do everything that I can to change for the BETTER. I want to be the best version of me! I WANNA MAKE MY DAUGHTER PROUD!! I want her to look up to me and gain a lot of strength from me. I also want to help and inspire as many people as I possibly can while I’m alive – have a positive impact on people’s lives. But first I MUST CHANGE!! I’ve gotta work from within. I thought giving birth would automatically TRANSFORM me – which in some ways it did but not completely. Some negative patterns and behaviours still remained. I’m working on all of it, on myself. The fact that I have a child of whom I play the most vital and important role in her life as her MOTHER, is more than enough of a reason for me to want to be THE BEST ME. For both her &&& me!!

Along with battling with my mental health and failing to keep it in tact for the past few years, by getting thorough help and counselling , I’ve also realised and accepted that I subconsciously fell into a deep pool of habitual, negative thought patterns, patterns of which have them gone on to inevitably manifest through my behaviour in different aspects of my life. I’m getting out of that venomous pool right now! I wanna do good, be good and stay good!….

I’m saying it with my chest “I AM LATOYA & I AM CHANGING, GROWING & ELEVATING FOR THE BETTER” the time is now so let’s goooO!!

+ WASTEMAN +

Definition: guys that aren’t willing to play an ACTIVE ROLE in their children’s life. How can you reject your own offspring??

• KILLING STRANGERS: I understand that

REJECTING YOUR OWN PICKNEY: I’m totally baffled….

Unfortunately this one’s dedicated to MY DAD & MY DAUGHTER’S FATHER. U GUYS ARE AWESOME. U TOTALLY ROCK MAAAAN. we’re doing just fine without u anyway. & u will get your motherfucking comeuppance so don’t watch nothing yeah!

I’M GLAD THAT I HAD A DAUGHTER, THANKS GOD, U REALLY HAVE MY BACK! THERE’S ONLY SO MUCH THAT A WOMAN CAN DO TO RAISE A BOY CHILD UNTIL IT BECOMES EVIDENT THAT THEY IN FACT N333D A FUCKING FATHER…..

So shout outs to all the WASTEMEN that don’t play an active role in their kids lives maaan. You’re getting on with your life, thinking the world don’t go round and shit like that. U TOTALLY ROCK DUDE!!!!!!!!

+ FUCK tHE SYSt3M +

a mood for life.

the system is built to destroy us. it’s designed to make us live like robots &&& behave in a uniformed manner. dumb us down and control us. make us think we’re “crazy” when we have moments of being our AUTHENTIC SELF & lashing out.

see a girl like me could never, ever ever.

CONFORM

P.S. the system’s collapsing anyway. don’t believe me? look around you and see?..REALLY OPEN UP UR EYES AND SEE

MENTAL HEALTH PART 3 • the finale •

iiiiiiiii got EXPOOOOOOOOOOOOSED

Ok so where do I start with this one….

Basically I’m always merging into different characters – which is fine sometimes & can actually be super fun, interesting and pretty harmless too. But also quite fucking exhausting and confusing as hellll. There’s one particular version of myself that I just cannot seem to find peace and make friends with, I cannot embrace her. I WANT THIS VERSION OF ME TO DIE. BUT SHE JUST WON’T DIE. NOT EVEN GIVING BIRTH TO MY DAUGHTER MANAGED TO KILL HER OFF. THIS VERSION IS “Latoya Queen Of Darkness” SHE’S AN EVIL RUTHLESS SAVAGE. SHE’S EXTREMELY VERBALLY ABUSIVE & SHE TENDS TO TROLL & SPREAD HATE. SHE’S BEEN AT IT ON & OFF FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS NOW! THIS GIRL IS ON A DIFFERENT LEVEL. THIS GIRL DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT NOTHING. THIS GIRL IS ON THE “darkside” SHE EVEN HAS RACIST TENDENCIES BRO!! AND IT’S SCARY TO THINK THAT THIS GIRL….IS A PART OF ME!

Latoya Queen Of Darkness recently went into a trance and on yet another little trolling spree. Spreading hate of course. I made some IDIOTIC comments under popular social media influencer Jayde Pierce’s YouTube vlog. The comments were dumb, ignorant and disrespectful. They were borderline RACIST & potentially quite highly fucking offensive. Pathetic.

So one evening I randomly googled myself right, for no reason at all. I go on Google Images and I come across this screen grab of some of the comments that I made under her video. And I’m sitting there thinking WTF?!?!…Well basically it turns out that Jayde Pierce herself had actually seen the comments and tweeted them out to her followers. See below:

This struck me in my heart man. She exposed me and I deserved it. The screen grab got retweeted quite a lot of times too and she has a pretty decent following, so a lot of people saw and a lot of them had something to say. HOW CAN I CALL SOMEONE’S PRECIOUS LITTLE BABY GIRL A “DICKHEAD” MEANWHILE I’M A MOTHER TO A PRECIOUS BABY GIRL MYSELF?!?! THAT SHIT MAKES NoooO SENSE BRO!! Do you know what’s mad about the whole thing?! The fact that I didn’t even really remember doing this until I saw it. As if it was just automatic. And when I saw it and read the comments that I made back to myself, I was so confused, I kept tryna think and remember what made me say those things. WHY?!?! Bro, this is what triggered me into 1) Realising that I’m not in control of this whole thing. And 2) Knowing that I need to get some help!!!!

[Despite some of the things that I stated in my “R.I.P Latoya The Troll” post, I didn’t mention that I don’t feel in control of this behaviour, I rather took the stance of just owning this toxic habit. I feel like something comes over me and I always relapse, it’s crazy and confusing]

Thankyou Jayde!! I’m glad that you exposed me & if you ever read this – just know that from a MOTHER to a MOTHER, I’m sincerely sorry for those hateful comments that I made towards your daughter and yourself. (I doubt that it effected your life but still, I feel the need to apologise) xxx

To round this whole thing up I’m gonna end by saying – to anyone out there that has multiple characters like I do, particularly with “politically incorrect tendencies” get all the help that you need to better yourself, focus & channel your energy positively. But most importantly FORGIVE YOURSELF & OWN IT! Don’t worry about those who’ll judge and condemn you, they’re just ignorant and they don’t understand how complex this whole thing is. (Knowone’s perfect out here you know. We’re all flawed human beings). Continue to exorcise & express yourself. And do it as creatively and artistically as you possibly can. BE THE ARTIST THAT YOU ARE.&.LIVE.

P.S. I know my heart. My daughter knows my heart. GOD knows my heart. & in the end – that’s all that matters.

Yours Truly,

UPDATE: IMAGINE I’VE NOW MADE AN INSTAGRAM PAGE WHEREBY I’VE POSTED UP NUFF PHOTOS OF MY DAUGHTER. SO WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME??? A HYPOCRITE…GOT ME WONDERING IF I WAS IN FACT JEALOUS BRO?!?! i really don’t think I was tho. if I was, I would just say it. she’s stunning, I’m sure she gets bare jealousy. but I know I wasn’t jealous. whatever man. whatever it was – the fact that remains is that my actions were fuelled by HATE. Which ain’t cool.

!!!MENTAL HEALTH: Part 2

“Latoya my dear – UR NOT MAD. The rest of the world is…”

Last week I decided to seek PROFESSIONAL HELP!!!

Bro I’m getting counselling! I’ve been in denial about my mental health for quite some time now (not to mention that I have very little faith in the how the system deals with NHS mental health patients from the few dealings experiences that I’ve had with them) and Lord knows I ain’t rich yet to be able to afford a top notch private psychologist or councillor or whatever..I realised that I subconsciously disregarded mental health and believed that I’ve simply been rebelling against the system & completely going against the societal conditioning that I was born into, doing what I like, being “woke” (& shit like that)… and that everything that’s been going on internally within me is all “spiritual” <<<which I’m not disputing that it is – HOWEVER mental health does exist, there is such thing – and I FULLY ACCEPT that now. When you think about the term [mind], body & soul” and how they’re all connected & work hand in hand with eachother, that pretty much sums it things up right!?

[BEFORE I CONTINUE LET ME JUST SAY THIS – I have nooO problem being a sacrificial lamb AND LAYING ALL OF MY DEMONS & INNER CONFLICTS BARE IF IT MEANS THAT IT’S GOING TO HELP OTHERS. IF ME EXPOSING MYSELF & SHARING “dark” ASPECTS OF MY CHARACTER ETC IS GOING TO HELP ANYONE THAT MAY BE GOING THROUGH ANY KIND OF INNER CONFLICT AND BATTLE – THIS IS FOR YOU! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE, PLEASE REACH OUT!! PLEASE EXPRESS YOURSELF!! PLEASE SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS!! PLEASE DON’T HARM YOURSELF!! PLEASE DON’T BE TO HARD ON YOURSELF – U ARE A HUMAN BEING GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS OF LIFE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. YOU MATTER. THERE IS A REASON WHY YOU FEEL & ACT LIKE THIS…YOU’RE ON A JOURNEY & YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH ALOT OF SHIT!! DON’T GIVE ANYONE, CIRCUMSTANCE OR SITUATION POWER OVER YOU!! DON’T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF…I’M HERE FOR YOU – THROW YOUR STONES AT ME IF YOU WANT, I’LL CARRY THE CROSS. I’M CooOL BEING THE VILLAIN IF IT’S GONNA HELP, TEACH & SAVE PEOPLE.]

+ DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE +

to be continued…

p.s. Kanye couldn’t have put it anymore clearer when he said “We at war with racism, terrorism…but most of all ~ WE AT WAR WITH OURSELVES!!!”

MENTAL HEALTH!!!!

[Part 1]

People need to start being more open about their struggles. It’s so important. KNOWONE IS ALONE. Expressing yourself, talking about things and getting whatever’s troubling you off of your chest will do nothing but HELP you &&&&&& OTHERS alike!!!

It is not an easy day and age to be alive. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again THE INTERNET: SOCIAL MEDIA is fucking with EVERYOOOOONE! It’s still quite a relatively new world that has grown at a superbly substantial pace over the past 15 or so years….This virtual reality, this illusionist world, that has become profoundly OVERLOADED WITH INFORMATION is consuming the energy of sooO many of us in many different ways. It’s now part of everyday life and it’s so addictive that it is basically a DRUG! It’s awfully helpful at times and makes quite a few things EASIER for a lot of us. But Personally, in weighing up the pro’s and cons of the net, the cons outweigh by a mile in my book. I am not blind in seeing the NEGATIVE IMPACT THAT IT’S HAVING ON MENTAL HEALTH!! I am a walking talking example: I know my heart and that deep down Latoya would do any and everything that she can to HELP anyone whenever and wherever she can. I see ALL people and I have time for everyone. BUT Judging from my track record online, one would think the total opposite…& that I’m basically just a straight up MENTALLY DERANGED DEMON.

Now I could sit here all day and write up a whole book regarding my online antics and how I think the internet plays a huge role in this, that and the other, but I’ve preeeetttty much already done that in the form of my previous articles which are “I’m not comfortable” and “RIP Latoya The Troll”

I wanna keep the focus on MENTAL HEALTH and the SILENT SUFFERERS! << & Lord knows I ain’t no silent sufferer.

SO ANYWAY – yesterday in the news, I came to learn that the body of a guy named Mike Thalassitis was found hanging from a tree in a woodland park. He took his life. (But of course, judging from his instagram feed alone, he seemed to be doing alright. Good looking guy, obviously quite popular hence his large following, sociable, well fed etc..There really weren’t any obvious signs or clues that gave away the fact that this man must’ve been battling a deep, mental struggle! One that I can only assume, was predominantly battled in silence. Everything on his page seemed pretty “average” and “normal” to me. Not unless of course you’re analysing the fine details from a psychological or spiritual level ~ that’s a whole other realm that I’m just not willing to go into right now). So what does that say to you about the picture that alot of us paint of ourselves online?!?! IT’S FAKE. PRETENTIOUS. SELLING DREAMS. POLISHED ETC….and this is where the mental health aspect ties into things. People are pressuring themselves into attaining and advertising a FALSE presentation of who they really are?! How do you think that effects both them and their followers who are consuming all of this?!?! WHY ARE WE DOING IT TO OURSELVES PEOPLE. WE’RE DAMAGING OURSELVES FOLKS!!! <<<<& there I go again speaking about the whole online thing. It is a pretty BIG fucking deal in terms of the current mental health situation in the world though.

I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT IT’S OK TO CRY OUT FOR HELP. IT’S OK TO BE HONEST. IT’S OK TO BE RAW. IT’S OK NOT TO BE A FUCKING “happy go lucky robot” IT’S OK TO BE UNPOPULAR. IT’S OK NOT TO BE FAMOUS & WELL RECOGNISED. IT’S OK NOT TO LOOK IMMACULATE. IT’S OK NOT TO “drip in sauce” IT’S OK TO THIS & IT’S OK TO FUCKING THAT….do you get my drift?!

TO BE CONTINUED…

P.S. (Jessie J already said this but fuck it) IT’S OK NOT BE “OK” I DON’T EVEN LIKE THE WORD “OK”……..BUT OHHHH KAAAAY THENNNNNN. WHATEVER, SERIOUSLY

Also, my deepest and dearest condolences go out to the family of Mike Thalassitis during what I can only imagine to be a severely difficult and horrific time. May his soul rest in eternal peace.Xxx

D E A T H

Scratching my head tryna figure out why THE ONLY THING THAT IS PROMISED still shocks people when it happens.

Have we all forgotten about the phrase “quantity not quality”

it’s what we do while we’re here that counts folks. Not how long we’re here for.

LONGEVITY OF LIFE IS NOT PROMISED FOR EVERYONE. WE CAN GO AT ANY TIME. I MIGHT TRIP OVER AND DIE TOMORROW, HENCE WHY I HAD TO POST THIS REAL QUICK

[SIDEBAR] I have become completely OBSESSED WITH DEATH recently. It’s constantly on my mind. The other day I even had the pleasure of watching raw footage of a stone cold murder & I found it ever so slightly interesting how many times it took to STAB this guy before he actually died. He was a strong one! His colleague literally had to stab him like 32 times before his fucking body got the message to just give up and die. Man I wish I was there man, it would’ve been cute!

r.i.p LATOYA

Reflecting

Basically the news of these recent deaths has really hit me hard (despite the fact that I didn’t know any of the guys personally) it’s really made me reflect on the type of legacy that I wanna leave behind when I Dii.E

Joe Casely-Hayford

Yes we are related, but no I never knew him personally. Neither do I know his son, daughter, sister etc (you get my drift). So you might as well just say that we share the same surname and that’s it.

But anyway – back to the matter at hand. Yeah so I first learned of his death from my mum. It came up in a phone conversation between us and I was completely HEARTBROKEN!!! I couldn’t believe it. I found it really sudden and shocking. After which of course I did my research online and it turns out that he died of cancer which he got diagnosed with 3 years ago. TRAGIC!!! But also not unheard of.

Cadet

Cadet was a story telling rapper from London. He was just about on the brink of becoming fairly well recognised for his talent on a commercial level…& then BANG!! The guy gets deaded orrrffff in a “FATAL ROAD ACCIDENT” meanwhile he was the only fatality (on some Lisa Left Eye Lopez typa shit) liiiiike seriously? Come on!

I’m not gonna sit here and say that I was his “biggest fan, listened to all of his music, was a loyal supporter, blah blah blah…” but it’s still hit me for one reason or another nonetheless.

Since Cadet’s death. He has received MASSES UPON MASSES of love of online from fans and fellow artists in the industry alike, etc…and despite the fact that I didn’t know him personally – I’m almost CERTAIN that he’d be well chuffed with all of this love and support! BUT IT’S ALSO MADE ME FEEL SLIGHTLY FUCKING SAD IN THE SENSE THAT – GIVE PEOPLE THEIR FLOWERS WHILE THEY’RE STILL HERE KINDA THING. Him calling himself “The Underrated Legend” pretty much says it all don’t cha think?!????!!

TO BE CONTINUED- JUST FEEDING MY DAUGHTER REAL QUICK

oh yeahhh I was also gonna speak about Karl Lagerfeldt who was some cool old white dude that did bits for Chanel. Rest In Peace KarliooO

I WANT TO KNOW WHY?!?!

Why are US BLACK WOMEN full of so much SELF HATE SOMETIMES ?!?!?!

I know we’ve not had it easy blah blah blah. Our men do us wrong, this that and the other. But in the end it all comes down to ourselves. WE HAVE THE POWER!!…

to be continued….

There’s only so long that you can play the victim for – until you realise & accept that it’s YOU!!…IT’S ALL YOU, YOU KNOW. NOBODY ELSE. NO HIGHER POWER, NO DEMON, NO FRIEND NOR FOE. NO PARENT, CHILD OR BLOODCLART COUSIN. IT’S NOT SHENIQUA, TERRELL OR EVEN LEQUAN. It’s all YOU boo. YOU.

YOU’RE AN ARTIST. I’M AN ARTIST. HE’S AN ARTIST. SHE’S AN ARTIST. WE’RE ALL ARTISTS.

don’t allow FEAR to consume you. FUCK what anyone else thinks. trust your light and let it guide you. PERFECTiiON doesn’t exist. Neither does “good & bad people”. We all have a light and dark within us so miss me with your finger pointing BULLSHIT BBC NEWS, CNN & FUCKiiiiiN AL JAZEERA. The system and has carved these rules to dumb us down, cage us in and ultimately CONTROL US!!! FUCK THE SYSTEM. FUCK FEAR. FUCK CONTROL. DO YOU.

I’m taking a break…xoxo

I’ve decided to take a long break from posting anything up on this blog!

I’m a new mum & I’m currently in the process of working on myself [inside] out so that I can be the most positive version of me, thus a great role model for my daughter to look up to!!

Reading some of these past articles that I’ve posted up on here and I’m not that person anymore. For a while – this blog has basically been a space where I exorcise my demons and share my thoughts, wisdom & experiences in the rawest form possible. But I’m on a journey of positive change and peace now and I feel like it’s time to switch up the tone…I was actually tempted to delete the entire thing and just wipe the slate clean but I’ve decided not to do that, simply because I’m aware that the articles make for great reads and I’m fine with exposing my thoughts and how my mind was working at the time of writing them.

You know what?! I’m proud of how transparent and unapologetic that I’ve been on here. I’ve actually bared my soul: the depth, humour, conflict & intense battle that occurs deep within me – but like I already said….IT’S TIME FOR CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So bye for now and thank you so so much for reading, I really appreciate anyone that’s taken time out to read my articles, honestly!!. I hope and pray that you enjoyed them and were also able to LEARN something from too. I soO hope that my articles HELPED & INSPIRED at least 1 person in some kind of way<<< that would reallyyyy give me an even greater sense of fulfilment and PURPOSE!!!!

Mine Sincerely,

LCH xxx

+ Artist Appreciation: Part 2 +

Sade English: After not following ANYONE on instagram for sO long – Sade is the only person that moved me to follow her for more than a day. Jesus Christ I appreciate and connect to this girl’s energyyyyy. Thank God I’ve got a daughter now, otherwise I’d have been stalking Sade’s life like an obsessed fan girl. Her art is unspeakably deep and I get it!! It’s so inspiring! This woman is a Goddess whose ancestors are working through her. Had I have discovered her a while back – she’d have ranked as Number 2 on my original Artist Appreciation” post. Thanks for your existence Sade hun xx I will try my best not to over do it with the dm’s, likes and comments like a hopeless fan girl. You’re dope!! Click this to view Sade’s Instagram

ALSO: remember that I said I’d never met any of the listed artists in my original post? Well I met EUGENE ANKOMAH after attending an exhibition of his. What a smart, driven, beautiful soul of a King that he is. Keep rising Euge!!…….Eugene’s in a league of his own mate. Very enigmatic. He doesn’t deserved to be ranked in no fucking list so please ignore the number next to his name in my original post Yh?! Safe!

SO!! Who knows what is going to happen between any of the other artists that I appreciate and myself by the time that I write my next “Artist Appreciation” post aye…?!

I’ll keep y’all posted xx

+ EVOLUTiiON +

We’re all artists and we all evolve.AND IT HAPPENS DAILY.

We also, all have a core. Our core is like concrete. It remains the same for beginning to forever – it doesn’t change.

Change is good. Growth is important.

Some of us evolve at an obviously quicker pace than others because of our faith and lack of fear.

Some are however, more diplomatic and passive with our process.

Others are extremely reluctant and fearful.

But again. The fact that remains is that we all evolve.

I sometimes read my past articles on here and I can feel the growth and evolution within myself since writing them…and the state of mind that I was in when I did so…

It’s interesting when you look at people who express themselves through their style and you can see their journey of evolution: some are complete and utter chameleons, for they’ve geniusly evolved into different versions of themselves: Take someone like Madonna for example, or maybe even Janet Jackson. Perhaps even my mum?!?!…

Then there’s seriously stubborn others that have a core that just won’t budge: Take Anna Wintour’s infamous hairstyle and sunglasses. Or Beyoncé and those God forsaken blonde fucking wigs and weaves <<<< just playing girrrrL. NO SHADE!! You know I lurrrv yo a$$.

SO, WHAT ABOUT YOU? DO YOU KNOW THE CORE OF WHO YOU ARE? AND DO YOU RECOGNISE HOW YOU’VE EVOLVED OVER THE COURSE OF YOUR LIFE?

– WHEN YOU LOOK BACK AT PHOTOS OF YOURSELF FROM 10 YEARS AGO, CAN YOU SEE A CHANGE: HOW YOU DRESSED AND THE PERSON THAT YOU WERE? OR IS THERE VERY LITTLE CHANGE….

1 way or another (whether it’s aesthetically obvious or not) evolution is inevitable.

+ My Higher Self: Part 2 +

~ See this is what happens when you don’t accept yourself, embrace yourself & love yourself.

~ You end up overthinking, being unreasonably logical, backtracking, seeking approval and wasting time on how you may or may not be perceived by others.

!!!!!!!!!!FUCK THAT SHIT FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!

– I previously made some LEGENDARY posts on this blog, which I then went on to delete (for all of the reasons above)

– I will not deny myself of my higher self EVER again.

– I have a mini me now and I must lead by example.

– OHHHH, IT’S WAR!!!!!!! XXX

+ My Higher Self: Part 1 +

#InnerPeace ….. #EverythingElseIsWAR

{Self Acceptance & Understanding Myself As A Complex & Extremely Layered Artist}

Listen! I need to stop denying myself of …!!MY HIGHER FUCKING SELF!!

• AS A BLACK WOMAN BORN AND RAISED IN THE UK: A PART OF ME IS UNDERSTANDABLY LOST (by default). I’M AN AFRiiCAN CHiiLD THAT’S BEEN BORN INTO A SYSTEM!! THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS A PURE RECIPE FOR DISASTER.

• THE SPIRIT OF CONFUSION IS WHAT PLAGUES THE BODIES OF MANY (if not every) BLACK WOMAN BORN & RAISED IN THE WESTERN WORLD ~ WHETHER THEY’RE AWARE OF IT OR NOT.

• WE ARE FEISTY. WE ARE PASSIONATE. WE ARE EXTREMELY EMOTIONAL AND EXPRESSIVE. WE ARE POWERFUL..& YET WE BUY AND WEAR HAIR THAT DOESN’T BELONG TO US #guilty [listen bitch, this western weather does not cater to our hair texture], SUPPRESS OURSELVES &&& JUDGE OTHER BOLD, FREE SPIRITED BLACK WOMEN…

• IT’S TIME FOR US TO PICK A FUCKING SIDE

I, Latoya Casely-Hayford choose my side !!

• No more “Self Hate”

• No more “People Pleasing”

• No more “Suppression”

[ ii am a MOTHER now & ii must lead by example so that my DAUGHTER will be FREEE to be the very best & most natural version of who she is ]

+ MOTHERHOOD: my state of mind towards it so far +

I’m 4 and a half months in & being a parent is super scary…

I’m trying not to let the FEAR consume me. As a matter of fact I’m really trying to let it go altogether, chill out and be free, confident and unafraid of “fucking up” as a parent. I keep having to bloody remind myself.

The last thing that I want is for my child to go through anything that I’ve been through or feel as SEVERELY LONELY as I’ve felt in my life. <<<< but see even that’s a “FEAR”…

Life is a journey and we’re all inevitably gonna go through various hardships and struggles regardless. KNOWONE IS EXEMPT. Our parents are here to guide us and protect us as much as they can – while still being flawed and human themselves….

ii BELIEVE THAT WE’RE BORN INTO THE HANDS OF WHOEVER OUR PARENTS ARE FOR A REASON. THEY’RE PERFECTLY DESIGNED FOR US & WE’RE PERFECTLY DESIGNED FOR THEM (flaws & all…)

When I learnt that I was pregnant – and once I removed any possibility of my daughter’s father’s request of having an abortion out of my head – I had to come to terms with the fact that I’d be introducing her into a potentially quite isolated situation: I’d be the only solid person in her life (I don’t have strong family support around me at alllllllll. And as you know if you’ve read “The Plot Twist” & “What a Heck Of a Year” my daughter’s father dismissed himself from any involvement with both of our lives) I also don’t have many (if any..?) “friends” that are consistently physically present in my life either and that’s also been the case for a while: I have a few “friends” on the phone and a few “friends” that I see very occasionally and that’s it…

SO analysing all of this birthed a profound fear in me: that my daughter WILL inevitably grow up to feel [almost] as “LONELY” & “FUCKED UP” as I’ve particularly been in recent years.

I became pregnant with my daughter on the tail end of an INCREDIBLE amount of turbulence in my life. I didn’t even have time to emotionally recover or “reboot” so to speak. <<< I think that’s what created the “fear” and the questions in my mind “Are our offspring born to be the recipients of our emotional pain? Is this something that just happens by default no matter how much we as parents try to protect them, create a great, positive life for them and LOVE them..??” and “is that why some people end up despising their parents because of what they feel that they’ve had to go through because of them?”

????WHO KNOWS????……

All we can do (and bloody well should do) as parents is of course OUR BEST for our children, stay honest and true to our CORE – while learning from our kids and discovering new things about ourselves along the way too…

Establishing a bond with & getting to know my precious angel of a daughter has already lead me into learning a few things about myself:

I’m super ambitious and nothing’s gonna deter me from that

I HAVE A HECK OF ALOT OF TIME FOR PEOPLE & A HUGE HEART: and now i finally have someone of whom appreciates it, soaks it up, equally has that time for me and of whom I can give alllll of my LOVE to. FINALLY!!!!….& YES!!!!

• I “expect” things from people (which is really bad). So, for example: when I found out that I was pregnant and since giving birth, I automatically expected support from certain family members. And I get sad, angry and disappointed when I don’t get the love and support that I feel my daughter and I DESERVE. It really prompts me to burn bridges.

• I’m extremely sensitive and emotional

The state of mind that I’m in right now is one of STRENGTH & SAVAGE: I feel I need to cut off any part time, half hearted people out our life and just FOCUS!! I’ve already had at least one fucking person come and meet my daughter, hold her, smile up in her face then go completely GHOST!!…& I don’t like that. Nah sorry, I ain’t having no forced pretentiousness just for the sake of having people around every now and again. What’s the point??

ALL OR NOTHING &&&& WE’RE ALL THAT WE NEED. IT’S ME AND HER AGAINST THE WORLD. AND WE’RE MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR EACHOTHER. MUMMY & SKYLAH xxx

ii SHALL KEEP REMINDING MYSELF NOT TO EXPECT ANYTHING FROM ANYONE SO THAT I CAN LEAD BY EXAMPLE AND SHOW SKYLAH TO BE A STRONG, POWERFUL, INDEPENDENT WOMAN -WHO’LL NEVER RELY ON OR BE DISAPPOINTED BY PEOPLE. AND ANYONE THAT SHE WILL HAVE IN HER LIFE WILL SHARE THE SAME SPIRIT.

I’m so determined to break the vicious cycle and generational curse of deep dark pain & separation that’s occurred within the family tree for an umpteen amount of years. I’m determined to be best friends for life with my daughter, LOVE her and SUPPORT her through everything that she does. Amen x

[MY LITTLE LADY HAS A GREAT PURPOSE. And what a SAVIOUR & GIFT SHE IS !!…] & I’m proud of myself for bringing her into this world & believing that I AM ENOUGH FOR HER. SHE HAS BOTH HERSELF & ME FOR LiiiiiFE. 1 trillion.

2 be continued…

+ GRENFELL TOWER +

IT WAS A SET-UP! 1000%”

ii CANNOT GET THIS OFF OF MY MIND & IT’S BEEN OVER A YEAR SINCE IT HAPPENED.on the night of the 1 year anniversary I was just sitting at home with my daughter, thinking about it, thinking about it, thinking about it.tryna put myself in the position of the people dem that were trapped inside the building. Fucking HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

GOD IS WATCHING OVER ALL OF US & JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

MY DEEPEST & DEAREST CONDOLENCES GO OUT TO ALL THE FAMILIES AND EVERYONE THAT’S BEEN AFFECTED FOR [LIFE] BY THAT AWFUL TRAGEDY!!!!!

I remember last year sitting down watching the news with my Grandad and seeing this story break…straight away I turned to my Grandad and said “IT WAS A SET-UP!!” I could feel it in my soul that this was a diplomatic orchestrated ATTACK! (In that same week that it happened: Beyoncé had her twins & then my Grandad died. Listen shit was really popping orrrffffffff in the spiritual world boiiii) Honestly when I saw the block on fire I just thought “this is definitely hell on Earth”

THE WORLD IS AT WAR. SPIRITUAL WAR!!!…& WE ALL NEED TO STAY PRAYED UP TO PROTECT OURSELVES FROM THESE DARK FORCES THAT ARE TRYiiiiiiiNG TO DOMINATE.

+ SATAN ii REBUKE YOU IN THE NAME OF THE LORD +

REST IN PEACE TO EVERYONE THAT DIED IN GRENFELL TOWER + INSHALLAH JUSTICE WILL BE SERVED TO YOUR FAMILIES.

GOD BLESS US ALL IN THESE TRYING ARSE TIMES THAT WE’RE LIVING IN YO!!

+ LCH +

Click This – Lowkey ft Mai Khail – “Ghosts Of Grenfell”

+ ii HAD 2 CH3CK MY LiiF3 +

#SignsAndSubliminals

So a couple of weeks ago (when KANY3 was all over the media for sharing his opinion on things) I found myself getting drawn in on a DIFFERENT LEVEL!!!… which lead to me having to check my whole entire life over.

Listen! I was online all over YouTube comments, as well as Instagram, trolling and defending this guy to the CORE! I went after 50 Cent, Snoop Dogg & the guy from TMZ who had the audacity to try and argue with KANYE. dickhead….

While I was doing all of this in defence of MR WEST – a small part of me was praying that my savagery would get noticed by someone on a well recognised platform & eventually get to the viewing of Y3 himself but despite my ambitious efforts, none of that happened. I didn’t even get to go head to head with 50 Cent like I wanted to. How sad!

When I realised that I wasn’t getting anywhere with my trolling efforts – I had to sit back and check my life like “Yo Latoya! …so you mean to say that you’ve just given birth to a precious baby girl and when she’s asleep, in your spare time, instead of you doing the sensible thing (which is to also get some rest) you’re online trolling and passionately defending a guy (KANYE) that doesn’t even know that you exist?!Everything that you’re doing makes absolutely 0 difference to his life….in fact, WHAT ARE YOU DOING??”

Things got pretty d33p when I then trolled 2 of my own family members and s3nt them some fuckeries dm’s via instagram. I really went innnn with what I said to them (which I will absolutely not disclose publicly under any circumstances – it’s too personal) They both blocked me and I’ve not spoken to either of them since.

So basically, despite all of the shit that I was talking in my previous post “RIP LATOYA THE TROLL” I’ve broken the promise that I made to myself…this trolling syndrome is fully embedded in me. Fuck sake man. I’m just gonna have to accept and embrace it fully now…

FiiNAL PUSSYCLART THOUGHT: “Latoya you always have and always will be a sensational internet troll! You love it! You have a lot of FUN with it & your words are powerful. Never forget that BITCH BOY Chris Brown blocked you when you weren’t even intentionally trolling – as a matter of fact, all that you even said to the DICKHEAD was Dude, you’re extremely talented but you need to humble yourselfand the absolute and utter PUSSYHOLE blocked you. LCH you’ve got this!!…And 1 day, just 1 day – you will take this bullshit to the main stage” & shmoist people who deserve it on a grander scale I PROMISE YOU. JUST.DONT.GIVE.UP.”

+ AMEN +

+ Racism Is Lame +

#RacismBreedsRacism

#LoveConquersAll

#MotherTeresaVibes

#MichaelJacksonVibes

Racism in all forms is completely lame and disgustingly ignorant! I feel like being racist is one of THE most idiotic and hateful things to be. Someone who is racist is blocking themselves from potentially having some beautiful relationships with people.

One of the privileges of my upbringing is that we were taught to be open minded and welcoming toward people no matter what their race – more based on who they are as individuals, not the colour of their skin. It’s only as I got older that I encountered this, that and the fucking other..

I think that it’s so important not to let the world turn you dark!

Its so important to keep an open mind and LOVE for people in your heart!

I’m quite ashamed to say that I’ve been there before…I’ve been angry at the world and had a racist rant or two in the past and it did me NO favours whatsoever! All that I ended up doing was wounding myself and giving others a reason to be racist towards me – that’s how I came to learn that racism breeds racism and it’s the dumbest vicious cycle! Plus it wasn’t me – it wasn’t who I am deep down at heart. (I had watched the movie “12 Years A Slave” and I snapped. I took it in soO deep that I became angry and hurt towards white people – but thankfully I eventually snapped out of that mindset). LOOK! I WATCHED THE MOVIE WHILE I WAS IN PRISON WHICH JUST HEIGHTENED EVERY FUCKING THING ABOUT IT IN EVERY WAY. I HAD MY RACIST RANT IN PRISON – which possibly wasn’t the smartest choice of place to have such a rant. But oh well…

I’m blessed to know and have met beautiful people of all different races and I cannot wait to have an international army of kids!

It’s great to be proud of who you are and absolutely OWN IT: you roots; your heritage. But don’t forget to embrace other cultures, learn and keep an open mind too!!

Lots of Love From Toya xxx

+ BOYCOTT BKCHAT LONDON & LOVE & HIP HOP +

Have any of you ever had the displeasure of watching either of these shows? Well these links below will give you just a liiittle taste of each incase you haven’t:

BKCHAT LONDON

LOVE AND HIP HOP MIAMI

Unfortunately I have had the displeasure of viewing these shows before and none of them sat well with me in the slightest!

BKCHAT London is a YouTube web series. From my understanding, it’s meant to be a debate show in which one main topic is discussed per episode. The cast consists of an all black male and female panel, ranging in age from around their early to late 20’s. Lord have absolute mercy on this show.

  • the lack of decorum
  • the lack of decorum
  • &&&& THE LACK OF DECORUM

There is absolutely no structure whatsoever. No respect for each other’s opinions. All that the cast seem to do is shout over each other and shut each other down for having opposing opinions. When I watched an episode, I was eagerly trying to hear them all out and get my own head into the debate which proved to be impossible. The bloody shouting, my God!

Another thing that I noticed was the lack of variety within the cast. Most of them seemed to cut from the same cloth, thus coming from a similar walk of life: the 2 cast members that were slightly left and eccentric with their views almost seemed to get bullied and singled out just for having certain views. I really don’t appreciate the level of ignorance that is portrayed in this show whatsoever. As much as I tried as a viewer to take in what was being discussed, I was left in a state of confusion and with a pounding headache!

I love a healthy debate and I think we can learn a lot from each other from having them, while sharing knowledge too. But I can assure you that there is FUCK ALL to be taken away from this show. Frankly, it’s pollution that needs to be removed and taken offline!

Love And Hip Hop is a show that I’ve only had the displeasure of watching maybe 2 or 3 times (this is mainly due to spending an excessive amount of time last summer with a cousin that is obsessed with trash tv and I allowed myself to get sucked in) This show is toxic and disgusting. I don’t even know where to start or if I should even bother going into it. It’s puppetisation at it’s peak. You know what? I’ve decided. I’m not even going to go into detail about this show. I just know that it needs to be scrapped and thrown off air completely. What a disgrace! What a poor depiction and representation of a race….a “human” race.

See, the thing that I believe that these two shows have in common is the way in which they puppetise the cast (who are all desperate enough to exploit themselves in such a classless manner as a means of building a platform for whatever fame campaign that they’re running for themselves) I find it so sad how desperate folks are nowadays for fame and stardom at any cost, without having any real substance or purpose: just pure money chasing and attention seeking. Why? It’s a road to hell and self sabotage..!

I was so incredibly glad when I got the answer “No!” from my 15 year old younger sister when I asked her if she indulges in watching any of these shows. WHAT A RELIEF! Like I’ve already said – nothing can be learnt from them. They are bottom of the barrel tv that needs to be boycotted. I for sure, will not be tuning in again. Ever!

[IF THEY WERE TO INVITE ME ON EITHER SHOW. I’D GO IN THEIR ON SOME VOODOO QUEEN SHIT, MASKED UP & THROW BLACK DUST IN THE FACES OF EACH CAST MEMBER. FOR NO APPARENT REASON AT ALL – COMPLETELY UNPROVOKED!! I’D ALSO OFFER EACH PERSON A FIGHT – AGAIN FOR NO APPARENT REASON, OK!!]